


All the Shooting Stars and All the Silver Moons

by Nowl



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Eventual Plot, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentioned Bulimia, Panic Attacks, Rating May Change, all of the youtubers are in an american high school, although that may get more detail in the future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 11:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5455409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nowl/pseuds/Nowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boy meets boy. They discover they have more in common than they expected.<br/>They try to help each other while muddling through their final year of high school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Shooting Stars and All the Silver Moons

**Author's Note:**

> * Title taken from a lyric from for him. by Troye Sivan (because I'm more than a little obsessed with Blue Neighborhood right now ^.^') 
> 
> For clarity, this fic takes place in an American high school because that's the nonsense I had to muddle through.  
> Each chapter takes place over a month so this one is September, the next will be October, et cetera.  
> Writing this, I was imagining 2009!Dan with a younger Phil with 2015!Phil's hair. Whatever you imagine is up to you, that's just what I saw :)
> 
> Please, enjoy!

Daniel Howell and Philip Lester had never really met before. Despite attending the same schools since kindergarten, they were only just aware the other existed.

Dan was a bit lazy with schoolwork and a flirt on his good days. Despite his general lax attitude, he got good grades most of the time and seemed to float by in school. He usually wore all black, leading most of his classmates to assume he was scene, or emo, or goth, or punk or some other counter-culture associated with dark colors. He didn’t really care much for labels though, so he let them believe what they wanted (Really, anything that let him get away with his haircut without getting beat up was fine in his book). If he had to label his fashion sense at all, he would say it was Asian inspired. He had a secret fantasy about dressing like the bad boy from a K-Pop band but he wouldn’t acknowledge it if you asked him.

Phil, on the other hand, has been very focused on his grades since childhood; anything to get praise from his parents while also setting him apart from his charismatic, if less academically inclined, older brother. He started dying his hair late in middle school in an effort to put more distance between himself and Martyn. As far as fashion goes, he loves anything with bright colors and lots of them. It would be obnoxious if not for his rather nerdy personality kind of just being highlighted by it. He didn’t have too many friends for most of his school life, as he was on the quiet side and spent most of his time studying. He hopes that senior year, and a much more creatively inclined schedule of classes, might earn him a few more friendships before graduation.

Dan Howell and Phil Lester had never really met before.

And they didn’t really like each other.

 

**Tuesday, September 8th**

Period 1: Theatre

Period 2: Art 1

Period 3: AP English 4

Period 4: Lunch

Period 5: Creative Writing & Poetry

Period 6: Digital Video Production

Period 7: Vocal Music

Period 8: Gym 4

Dan glances down at his schedule again, rushing to homeroom. He’s already late (perpetually so, regretfully) but he hopes his teacher might be a bit more lenient since it’s only the first day.

He wonders, with annoyance, how he ended up with lunch during fourth period again. Since the school had so many students, there were four periods during with lunch was held; fourth and seventh periods were regarded as the worst because forth was still well before noon and seventh was both late and when the cafeteria started running out of the good food.

He’s even more annoyed when he remembers how awful it is having Gym last. On the upside he doesn’t have to go to other classes after being in a sweaty gym, but he’d rather not have it capping off an otherwise good schedule of classes.

He is glad to have finished up his credits for math, history, and science so he isn’t required to take any this year. He wonders how many of his friends he ended up in classes with.

As he swings open the door to his homeroom, he remembers that this particular teacher hasn’t liked him since they met freshman year. “Daniel,” Mrs. Fetter says, annoyed. “You’re late.”

“Sorry, missed the bus,” he replies with a grin, hoping she’ll lighten the hell up for once.

“Don’t make a habit of it,” she says, going back to taking attendance.

He walks over to the desk with his first day packet sitting, unopened, on top. Inside is his agenda book (a little spiral bound book with spaces for them to write their homework each night, the list of school rules, and a few pages of spaces they can have teachers sign to use as hall passes. Dan thought it was a little silly they needed hall passes in their agendas as he hardly needed them anyway) and a stack of papers he would need to have his parents sign.

He mostly stared out the window while Mrs. Fetter went through her obligatory first day speech about rules, and seniors not getting lazy and ruining their grades before graduating. As homerooms were assigned alphabetically, none of Dan’s friends were in the room for him to chat with. He usually brought a book to read during such downtime but he forgot, due to running late this morning.

As soon as the bell rang, he was out of his seat and rushing across the building to the auditorium, for theatre. He’s taken the theatre class since he was a freshman and his teacher loved him. As far as classes go, it was pretty relaxed. They mostly played improv games or read through plays and discussed. There were a few sporadic assignments throughout the year that they had to write and perform themselves but it was easy to get an A as long as it looked like you were trying.

Dan grinned when he saw Tyler Oakley waiting just inside the entrance for him. “I can’t believe you dyed your hair again,” Dan giggles.

Tyler rolls his eyes, running a hand through the now pastel pink bouffant topping his head, leading Dan down the left aisle in the auditorium. “Bitch, you know I had to pick a new color for the first day of our last year here.”

Dan sits down first, leaving space at the end of the aisle for Tyler. “I guess the blue was fading too fast for you?”

“Way too fast,” Tyler replies, taking his seat.

Their teacher comes in the side entrance on the large room, prompting Tyler to rise from his seat again. “Yas, Ms. Diech!” he calls. “You work that dress!”

The blonde older woman laughs, taking her spot at the front of the room. “Nice to see you again too, Tyler,” she says, taking out her attendance sheet.

Dan glances around the class; there are a pair of freshman, a handful of sophomores, some juniors, and a couple of other seniors. Dan’s always liked that about this class, all the different ages of students are integrated.

He waves to Louise, who is sitting on the far end of the aisle with Zoe, and Zoe’s boyfriend Alfie, but doesn’t feel like actually getting up to go talk to her. They hear the door at the back of the room open once more and Louise grins, sitting up on her knees to wave in the new person. “Phil!” she calls.

Dan’s eyebrows screw together. What Phil does Louise know?

Then suddenly, a tall, black haired boy comes into Dan’s line of sight. Oh no.

“Hey guys,” Phil Lester says with a smile, coming down the aisle and seating himself with Louise and Zoe.

Dan silently mourns the loss of his friends in this class for the year, just happy Tyler will stick with him.

 

Dan, never having taken a proper art class before, gets lost looking for the room and refuses to ask for help. He’s a senior for goodness’ sake, he shouldn’t be getting lost.

He swings into the room exactly four minutes after the bell. “Ah, stragglers,” the teacher, a man with a bald shaved head says with a smile. “No points off for today. Just try to be on time tomorrow.”

“Will do,” Dan replies with a nod, looking for an empty seat.

Each desk is a large drafting table and each drafting table is pushed into a cluster of four. There are several of these clusters around the room but the only empty seat is the one directly across from Phil Lester.

Dan nearly groans but takes the seat anyway. He doesn’t miss the odd look in the black haired boy’s eyes as he does.

 

The day just keeps getting weirder. It’s like Phil Lester is following him.

How is it possible that they actually have every one of their classes together? Including lunch.

Sitting on the bleachers during Gym, as they can’t actually start any activity until lockers are assigned and the teachers have given everyone a week to get uniforms if they lost their old ones, Dan stares at the back of the other boys head with intensity.

“Whatcha’ lookin’ at?” Louise asks, slinging an arm over his shoulder.

“I have every class with him,” Dan mutters.

“With who?” Louise asks.

“Phil,” Dan replies.

Louise blinks at him. “Really? Weird.”

Dan makes a face at her. “That’s all you have to say?”

Louise chuckles. “What else is there to say, darling?”

“That you feel bad for me, maybe?”

Louise shrugs. “He’s really very nice,” she replies. “I don’t really understand why you don’t like him.”

“Just look at him,” Dan replies. “He’s a huge goody-goody.”

“That’s no excuse, love.”

Dan frowns. “I don’t know why I don’t like him. I just don’t.”

“Well you ought to figure it out,” Louise says, patting his shoulder. “Because you’re going to be seeing a lot of each other.”

 

Dan goes home to an empty house. His parents usually work late hours and his younger brother generally tries to keep away from home and with his friends as often as possible.

Phil goes home to an empty house as well. However, while his dad is likely to be working late, his mom should be home in time to make their dinner. Martyn is away at school or else he might be home to chat with. He makes a face when he hears loud music coming from his neighbors’ house. He’s never met them, they seem like quite busy people, but whoever is there in the early evenings likes their music very loud.

Phil usually really likes the songs he hears through the walls. He’s added quite a few of them to the rotation of music. So many, in fact, he had to switch his music back to his old iPod because his phone was starting to run out of memory.

He thinks he’d like to make a point of meeting this neighbor at some point.

 

**Monday, September 14th**

The first week of school disappears much too quickly. Phil is almost disappointed to see it go. This is going to be the easiest year he’s ever had but the first week is going to be as easy as it gets until prom and senior trip and graduation start coming up.

He takes his seat in English, early as usual. He’s too nervous to think about stopping between classes because he fears lateness above most things when he’s at school. He blames one too many teachers threatening failure for it.

The bell rings and Dan Howell runs it just as Miss Wood closes the door. The red-headed woman just shakes her head with a knowing smile as he rushes to his seat and gets comfortable.

Phil makes a face. He hates people like Dan. People who don’t respect others’ time and act like they’re too cool for school. Phil almost wants to kick him, if he were sure he wouldn’t get at least a detention for it. He knows what kinds of grades Dan Howell gets, how he got a nearly flawless score on the standardized test they were all required to take junior year, he could’ve been valedictorian easily if he had put in a little effort. It drives Phil absolutely mad when people with strong potential don’t run with it.

Phil himself struggles to keep his own grades up.

It’s unfair.

Miss Wood sets too large, heavy boxes on her desk and starts taking stacks of the same book out. “The first novel we’re reading this year will be _The Fault in Our Stars_ ,” she says. “I figured we should start with something modern and easy to get you all back in school-mode.”

She starts handing them out. “I’ll give you some class time to read but I expect you to do most of that at home. We’ll be having quizzes on Wednesdays and Socratic Seminars on Fridays to discuss the reading for that week so I’ll know if you’re all on track or not. When we’re finished I’ll be putting you into pairs for a small project but I’ll explain more about that when we get to it.”

Phil takes the book, though he’s already read it twice. He cried both times. He suspects many of the girls in the class have already read it as well by the looks on some of their faces.

Miss Wood picks a student to hand out the rest while she goes back to her desk. “I brought in the audiobook so we’ll listen to as much as we can before the end of the period.”

Phil’s eyes accidentally land on Dan Howell while they’re waiting for the teacher to get set up. He’s wearing a similar expression to the girls in the class, one of apprehension. Could he have read it too?

Phil brushes the thought off. A guy like him wouldn’t like a book like this.

 

Phil feels something harsh and painful rising in his chest when he’s sitting in Vocal Music and realizes that today is the day they have to start getting dressed for gym and he forgot his uniform. He remembers exactly where it is too, sitting on top of his dresser where he thought he would remember to grab it. He forgot anyway.

He tries to take a deep breath, but feels another, immediate rush of anxiety.

Oh no.

Because Vocal Music is a choir class, the chairs in the room are set up in a large horseshoe. The girls are split up by vocal groups (altos to the left of the teacher at the piano and sopranos to the right) and the boys sit across the smallest leg of the room. In the back. There are only ten boys in the class, mostly baritone, and Phil is one of the only two basses. Dan, as one of the two tenors, is seated furthest away from him, with both of their chairs on such an angle that they can see each other pretty much clearly.

Dan is definitely staring at him.

Phil can’t place what his expression reads as (he wants to think it might be concern) but he tries not to think too hard about it since Mr. Perkis is expecting them to sing in a moment and he needs to focus.

By the end of the period, he can definitely feel a panic attack coming on and having to fight through the crowded hallways really isn’t helping him at all.

As he feels his heartbeat getting too fast, he ducks into a bathroom and hides in a stall, tucking his feet up so no one can see him. He tries to breathe, tries to remind himself that it’s just one day, the teacher won’t be mad if he misses one day of getting dressed for gym.

He can’t help himself but to choke back fearful tears.

Time keeps ticking and he just works himself up more when he realizes he’s definitely going to be late. A sob breaks through his throat as the late bell rings. He buries his face in his knees and cries.

“Lester?” a voice beckons.

Phil’s heartrate picks up again – someone knows, someone heard, _someone heard him crying in a bathroom._ He can’t hold back the small squeak that is his next sob.

He sees a shadow pass through the crack by the stall door. “I know you’re in here,” the voice says.

Phil knows this voice, he knows he knows it but –

The voice sighs. “I’m not going to gym either,” it says. “I still haven’t bought a new uniform so I’m just not going. I’ve got time to listen if you want to talk.”

Phil swallows thickly. “How do you know I’m skipping gym?” he asks quietly.

He hears a snort. “We’re in the same class, idiot.”

It clicks. “Dan Howell?”

“The one and only.”

Phil puts his feet down. “Go away, I don’t want to talk.”

He can practically hear the eye roll. “The bell already rang, I can’t go anywhere now without getting caught.”

“Good.”

“Good? That’s not very nice.”

“I want to be alone.”

“Maybe if you talked to me I might leave you alone?”

Phil is silent for a moment. “No, it’s stupid.”

“You’re crying, man, just tell me.”

Phil’s eyebrows furrow in annoyance. “I forgot my uniform.”

Dan is silent. “Is that all?”

Phil gets up and swings the stall door open. “Is that all? I’m not good at gym class. It’s the only thing I can’t even try to be good at. If I start out the year with a missing uniform the teacher will hate me and take points off and for the rest of the year he’ll give me dirty looks and I’ll fail and I’ll have to repeat senior year all over again!”

Dan stares at him, the genuine tears in his eyes. “It’s alright,” Dan replies. “One day won’t ruin anything.”

“Yes it will,” Phil rubs his face with his hands, trying to catch his breath. “I can’t – I’m not…”

Dan watches him carefully, contemplating the extreme reaction. “This really is a big deal to you, isn’t it?”

Phil nods.

Dan bites his lip as he thinks. “I’ve got a plan.”

“A plan?”

“Do you know how to make yourself vomit?”

Phil makes a face. “Where are you going with this?”

Dan wears a mischievous grin. “You’re going to fake sick and I’m going to take you to the nurse.”

Phil thinks for a moment, before understand dawns on him. He grabs Dan’s shoulders, a smile splitting across his cheeks. “You’re a genius!”

“It’s a good think you were crying, all that red in your face is going to make this much more convincing.” Dan pulls Phil’s arm over his shoulder. “Never mind making yourself throw up, we’ll just say you got to the toilet in time. Now pretend you need my help.”

 

Phil’s mom isn’t overly excited about having to leave work to pick up her son from school, but Phil fakes ill so well she just feels bad for him as she helps him into the car. “You never get sick,” she says as she drives him home.

_No, I just usually fake healthy_ , Phil thinks absently, leaning his head on the window for dramatic effect.

Intent of keeping up the act, Phil gets right into bed when he gets home. His mom has to go back to work so she disappears again once she knows he’s comfortable. Phil sets his eyes on the ceiling, wondering why Dan Howell would ever want to help him.

 

Dan is excited when he finally wanders over to the gym and it’s too late for his teacher to make him get dressed. He is too busy daydreaming about that grin Phil gave him to have participated anyway.

 

**Tuesday, September 15 th**

Dan and Phil glance at each other rather curiously when they both get to Theatre that morning. Neither really know what yesterday was but they’re both pretty sure they aren’t exactly friendly yet. As far as first times speaking to someone go, Dan doesn’t know if getting shouted at by someone who’s crying is a very good way to go about it.

“What’s up?” Tyler asks, cocking an eyebrow at Dan. “You and Phil are giving each other some tense eyes.”

“Huh?” Dan replies, looking at his pink-haired friend.

Tyler makes a face at him. “I know tension when I see it.”

“It’s nothing,” Dan replies. “We just ran into each other yesterday.”

“Oh yeah? What happened?”

“Nothing really, he didn’t want to go to gym yesterday so I walked him to the nurse.”

Tyler cocks an eyebrow. “Weird.”

Dan shrugs in reply.

The teacher grins at the class happily, holding up to badminton rackets. “Who wants to play Word Tennis?” she asks excitedly.

All of the students who already know the game are pretty excited. “What’s that?” one of the two freshman ask.

“A word association game,” Mrs. Diech explains. “Usually we pick a topic and you have to pick words that go along with it without repeating. Sometimes I have you come up with stories. It’s a lot of fun to watch.”

She holds up the rackets. “Who’s going first?”

One of the overly excited juniors jumps up first, followed by Zoe.

“Now I need a topic,” the teacher says.

“Dog breeds!” one of the freshmen calls.

The class watches as the duo in front of them swing their rackets and call out dog breeds. The junior loses when he calls, “Pug!” as Zoe had already called it.

The teacher takes the rackets back. “How about we have the class pick who goes next,” she says.

Tyler is up instantly, dragging Dan’s hand. “Make Dan go!” he says, grinning.

Dan wants to punch him in the arm but decides against it. “Any objections?” Ms. Diech asks. Everyone shakes their heads so Dan goes and takes a racket. “Who else?”

“Phil!” Louise, Zoe, and Alfie all cry.

“Objections?” Ms. Diech asks. No one says a word so she holds out the racket and Phil stands shyly, having not expected to be put on the spot like this. “Okay! Topic?”

“Song titles,” a sophomore says.

Dan smirks at how easy this will be. He knows enough albums if he just list songs in order this should be cake.

“Oh, nice one,” Ms. Diech says, sitting down. “Whenever you’re ready, Dan you start.”

Might as well start with a favorite album. “New Born,” Dan says, swinging the racket.

“Bliss,” Phil counters.

Dan cocks his head. “Space Dementia.”

“Hyper Music.”

“Plug in Baby.”

“Citizen Erased.”

Dan narrows his eyes, unable the fight the smirk slowly creeping onto his face. “Micro Cuts.”

Phil can’t help but smile as well. “Screenager.”

“Darkshines.”

“Feeling Good.”

“Megalomania.”

Dan wonders where Phil might go next with this. Another Muse album?

“15 Step,” Phil calls.

Ah hell, Dan loves this album. “Bodysnatchers.”

“Nude.”

“Weird Fishes.”

“All I Need.”

“Faust Arp.”

“Reckoner.”

“House of Cards.”

“Jigsaw Falling into Place.”

“Videotape.”

They continue on like this for a considerable amount of time, trying to outpace each other’s taste in music. Phil is thrown off a bit when Dan starts calling songs by Kanye West but the game goes on. Around the fifteen minute mark, Ms. Diech stands up. “Alright,” she says, just as Dan in about to call another song. “We’ll call it a draw for now, I want a few other students to go before the end of the period.”

Dan and Phil glance at her and then back at one another sheepishly before handing off the rackets and returning to their seats. “Tension,” Tyler sing-songs under his breath as Dan sits back down.

“Shut up,” Dan mutters.

 

“You like Muse?”

Phil looks up from the art assignment he’d been working on. Dan is staring back at him expectantly. “Wha?” he asks.

“We went through three of their albums in Diech’s class. You like Muse.”

“I do,” Phil replies. “They’re my favorite band.”

Dan cocks his head at him. “You also like Radiohead,” he says. “And Lana Del Rey and Britney Spears.”

“To be fair I only like very early two-thousands Britney Spears.”

“My point is we have very similar taste in music.”

“Yeah?”

“That’s more than I expected us to have in common.”

“People do tend to bend expectations, yeah.”

Dan smiles. “I like you,” he says.

Phil wills his cheeks not to go red at that. “Okay?”

“I think we should be friends.”

Phil tries to focus on his assignment again so Dan can’t see his face. “I don’t know if that’s how people normally make new friends.”

“So?” Dan asks. “Break the idea of normal. If you can’t do what you want, what can you do?”

“Anything but make me uncomfortable?”

Dan frowns. “I’m making you uncomfortable?”

“You’re more forward than I’m used to.”

Dan makes a face. “Sorry about that, I guess. But seriously, we should hang out some time.”

“You’re not going to leave me alone until I agree, are you?” Phil asks, peeking back up at the brunet briefly.

Dan wears a Cheshire smirk. “We’re in all the same classes, I’ll just stalk you until I can make you be my friend.”

Phil’s eyebrows furrow, a sense of defensiveness flooding his stomach. “Does this have something to do with yesterday?”

Dan is confused. “Who said anything about yesterday?”

“If you’re just trying to pretend to be nice to me so you can exploit what happened yesterday I don’t want you to speak to me again.”

Dan leans back in his chair, very confused. “I wasn’t thinking about yesterday at all. This is all about this morning. Why are you worried about yesterday?”

“You know why,” Phil mumbles. “You know what you saw.”

“I saw you were upset,” Dan replies. “So what? Everyone has bad days. I’m not gonna go tell the world about it.”

Phil levels a mysterious look at Dan. “If I find out you’re lying I’ll fill your bed with bees.”

Dan snorts a laugh. “I’ll make sure you know exactly where I live so you can exact your revenge properly.”

Phil smiles. “When do you want to hang out then?”

“Today would be nice, after school. I usually walk home so you can just come with me.”

Phil nods. “Alright.”

 

Phil notices Dan staring at him a lot that day.

In English, Dan stares at him instead of reading. In Lunch, Dan catches quick glances at him between conversations with his friends. During Creative Writing, he eases up because he cares a lot about that class and actually wanted to do his work. Same for Digital Video Production. The stares were back for Vocal Music.

When they are done getting dressed and waiting to leave the locker room after Gym, Dan leans over and says, “We never agreed on a place to meet.”

Phil wants to laugh. “You had all day to tell me that.”

“I knew I was forgetting something, I couldn’t figure it out until now.”

“Is that why you’ve been staring at me?”

Dan blinks. “Staring?”

“All day. Like you’ve been watching me.”

Dan looks away but Phil can still see his ears are red. “Sorry about that,” he mutters.

The last bell finally rings so everyone starts shuffling out of the locker room and toward whatever places they need to go. “Meet me by the front entrance?” Phil asks.

Dan nods. “Just have to run to my locker.”

When Phil turns to go to his own locker, he nearly runs into two bodies and yelps in surprise. PJ and Chris laugh at their friend. “Peej called your name,” Chris says. “We didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

Phil makes a face. “Clearly you weren’t calling me loud enough.”

“Mm, no,” PJ nods. “I called you pretty loudly. A few times.”

“We know you like to daydream, man,” Chris says. “But come down to earth sometimes.”

“Unless it had something to do with you talking to Dan Howell when you came out of the locker room just now.”

PJ and Chris grin at Phil conspiratorially. Phil rolls his eyes. “We’re hanging out after school,” he says, trying to walk to his locker again.

PJ gasps dramatically. “Hear that Chris? Little Philly is making new friends without us!”

Chris fake sobs and leans on PJ. “He’s growing up so fast!”

Phil shakes his head, unable to stop a few laughs as he rushes off to his locker. “Bye, guys!” he calls behind him.

“Later, Phil!” they both call back.

Phil breezes through his locker in record time, rushing back to the entrance as fast as he can. He’s not surprised he gets there before Dan, so he leans against the wall and thumbs through his phone for a minute.

Ordinarily, Phil would also walk home. Usually he would be on his way before the buses started pulling away. Today he watches them go, still waiting for Dan.

An uncomfortable feeling fills his stomach.

What if Dan ditched him? Thinking about it makes his face feel hot and his eyes itch.

What if –

“Ready?”

Phil looks up to see Dan walking toward him, now with a – clearly quite old – leather jacket on and a book bag thrown over his shoulder.

Phil feels silly for a moment, smiling at Dan. “Let’s go.”

 

“Seriously?” Phil asks.

Dan is confused. He’s thinks he feels like that a lot around Phil. “What?”

Phil looks up at the house Dan had been walking toward. “I live right next door.”

Dan looks at Phil, then at the house directly adjacent and entirely too close to his house. Dan’s eyebrows furrow. “How did –“

“You’re the one playing all that loud music!”

Dan looks at Phil again and can’t help but laugh at the look on his face. “I’m sorry, I can’t take you seriously if you’re going to look at me like that.”

Phil flicks Dan’s arm. “Do you know how many of my study sessions you’ve ruined because of how loud you listen to your music?”

Dan chuckles a few more times. “Then do you want to put your stuff away and then we can go walk somewhere?”

Phil nods. “Be right back.”

They each go into their houses to drop off their book bags and make sure they each had their wallets before meeting back outside. “Where to?” Phil asks.

Dan shrugs. “Do you like milkshakes?”

“Who doesn’t?”

Dan grins. “Let’s go have some milkshakes then.”

They chat while they walk. Phil is surprised that they actually have pretty similar senses of humor and, judging by what they’ve discussed so far, they have similar taste in entertainment in general. They had a whole conversation just about Attack on Titan and how they both kind of wish they were reading the manga.

By the time they sit to eat their milkshakes, Phil’s cheeks hurt from smiling and Dan is still making faces concerning whatever tangent he’d just been on.

“Anyway,” Dan says, intent of finishing whatever line of conversation he’d just dragged Phil through. “Does the volume of my music bother you that much?”

Phil cocks his head, thinking. “Only when I don’t like it, I guess,” he replies. “Rap isn’t really my thing.”

Dan nods, sipping his milkshake. “You like the important things so I can forgive that.”

Phil chuckles. “The important things?”

“You know,” Dan says, gesturing vaguely. “Muse.”

Phil nods. “They are important, I suppose.”

“You suppose?” Just then, Dan’s phone starts vibrating on the table beside him. He looks down at the screen. “Hold on, it’s my mum.”

Dan turns in his seat and swipes to answer. “Hey,” he says.

Phil sips his milkshake, watching Dan absently.

“I can’t, I’m out.” Dan bites the inside of his cheek. “But mum, I –“ Dan sighs. “Yeah, I know.”

Phil watches Dan’s face carefully.

“Well I’m at the milkshake place so it’ll be at least a twenty minute walk home.” Dan rolls his eyes. “I’m not calling a cab to get driven two miles.”

Phil feels a well of disappointment open up in his stomach. He was having fun.

“Right, sure, I’ll do it.” Dan mutters. “Right.”

Dan hangs up. “I’m sorry,” he says. “My mum needs me to run an errand so I’ve got to go home.”

“I get it,” Phil says, still disappointed.

The both stand and leave the shop. Dan doesn’t like the look on Phil’s face. “We’ve still got the walk home to chat,” he says. “What are you opinions on Miley Cyrus?”

 

**Wednesday, September 16 th**

Dan seats himself right beside Phil when he get to Theatre the next morning. Their friends situate themselves around the two of them without making a big deal about it.

In Art, they discuss the new Star Wars movie that’s supposed to come out in December.

During Lunch, they opt to go to the library instead to play around on the computers together.

In Creative Writing, Dan asks if they can be paired up for the partner assignment they had to do that day.

In Digital Video they decide to do their first full video for class together.

In Gym, they try to trip each other while walking around the track and chatting about ice cream flavors.

“I’ve never had a best friend before,” Dan says, as they walk home together. “But I hope you’re my first.”

The unadulterated joy in Phil’s heart almost makes him cry.

 

**Saturday, September 26 th **

It’s just past one-thirty in the morning when Phil’s phone starts going off.

He and Dan have plans to go see a movie tomorrow and they had just seen each other that afternoon so Phil can’t say he was expecting a call. A text, perhaps, but not a _call_.

“Hello?”

“Phil!” slurs Dan loudly. “So good to hear from you!”

“Dan? What – are you drunk?”

He hears Dan hiccup. “Maybe? I’m not totally sure, actually.”

Phil can hear loud music in the background. He remembers Dan asking him if he wanted to go to a party with him and – hearing how drunk Dan is now – he’s both glad and concerned he opted out. “Are you alright?” Phil asks.

“Uhh…” Dan drawls. “Dunno, I think someone might’ve put something in my drink actually. Feel kinda sleepy. Can you call for help?”

Phil gets out of bed in a hurry. “Where are you?” he asks.

“Joey’s house,” Dan replies. “Although I haven’t ‘im in ages. Weird…”

Phil tries to pull on his sneakers without untying them. “I don’t know where he lives, Dan. Do you remember what neighborhood he lives in?”

“Rosewood Valley… or something like that.” Dan is starting to sound worse. “I’m outside.”

“I’ll be right there, okay Dan?”

“I’m still having a hard time moving, Phil.”

Phil rushes downstairs and looks for the keys to his mom’s car. “Philip?” his dad asks, coming halfway down the stairs.

“Go back to bed, dad, I’ll be right back,” he replies.

“Wha-?” Dan asks, still on the phone.

“I was talking to my dad,” Phil replies.

“No!” Dan whines. “Don’t tell my parents. Mom’s gonna be so, so mad.”

“Is everything alright?” Phil’s dad asks.

Phil nods, finally finding the keys. “Yeah,” he replies. “One of my friends just has to stay here the night, if that’s alright?”

Phil’s dad nods drowsily. “Just don’t stay out late, your mother worries.”

Phil nods and rushes out to the car. “Dan, I have to hang up now, okay?”

“No, you have to come help,” Dan’s words sound so slurry.

“That’s what I’m doing, I can’t drive if I’m on the phone with you.”

“Put me on speaker.”

Phil does, sitting his phone in the cup holder as he starts the car. “I’ll be right there,” he says again.

He can hear Dan breathing but they don’t say anything else to one another. Phil pulls into the neighborhood Dan mentioned and he can already hear the music booming. He knows exactly what house it is immediately. He pulls up and parks, getting out. “Okay Dan,” he saying, taking him off speaker. “Where are you?”

“Outside,” Dan says, barely a mumble.

“Where outside?”

“Bush,” he replies.

Phil’s eyebrows furrow, looking around. There are bushes outside the front of the house. He walks over and see legs with a familiar pair a shoes attached peeking out from between two of them. “Dan?” he asks.

“Found me.”

Phil ends the call and shoves his phone in his pocket, kneeling by his friend. “Oh God,” Phil says, taking Dan’s arms and pulling up his limp body. Dan’s eyes are glassy and he can’t really move himself. “What happened?”

Dan groans.

Phil takes a deep breath before trying to pull Dan’s weight onto him while standing up. “Who did you come here with?” he asks.

“Alone,” Dan replies.

Phil half drags Dan over to the car and barely gets him in the passenger’s seat. He buckles Dan in once he gets himself in and drives them back to his house. The ride is quiet, Dan having fallen asleep shortly after being situated in the car.

As soon as Phil parks, he unbuckles the two of them. “C’mon Dan,” he says, shaking Dan’s shoulder. “I have to get you in the house.”

“Don’t wanna go home,” Dan mutters, not opening his eyes.

“I’m not taking you home, you’re staying with me tonight.”

“Carry me.”

Phil is sure if Dan was actually joking but takes it as a good sign that Dan still has his sense of humor. Phil gets out and goes over to Dan’s side, opening the door. “C’mon, big baby.”

“No~” Dan drawls with a whine. “I’m not a baby, I’m a Pooh Bear.”

Phil snorts a laugh, pulling Dan onto his feet. “Pooh Bear?”

“Oh bother,” Dan says, letting Phil take all his weight.

Phil shakes his head, walking them to the first door. “I need you to be quiet, okay? My parents are sleeping.”

“Shh,” Dan replies.

Phil takes that as agreement as he lets them inside.

“Your house is nice,” Dan stage-whispers.

“I’ll tell my mom you said so in the morning,” Phil replies, even though Dan already told him that the first time he came over a few days ago.

“Good,” Dan replies. “Your mum’s a nice lady.”

“I think so too.” The stairs are a challenge, but they get up somehow and into Phil’s room. Phil drops Dan, who is still floppy, onto his bed. “I’ll look for a change of clothes for you.”

Dan watches Phil buzz around his room. “You’re so nice, Phil,” he says.

“I know, Dan,” Phil replies absently, finally remembering to take his sneakers off.

“I was laying there for a long time and no one helped me but you.”

“How long were you laying there?”

“What time is it?”

Phil checks the time. “Around two.”

Dan thinks through all the sludge in his head. “After they dragged me out there, an hour and a half, I think.”

Phil’s eyes widen slightly. “You laid there for an hour and a half?”

“Mm,” Dan confirms. “Someone saw me losing it so they dragged me out and left me there.”

“What happened, Dan?”

Dan groans again. “I was drinking,” he replies. “I don’t remember who with. But then things started getting fuzzy and I couldn’t move. I think someone was making eyes at me but then I got taken outside and left there. I called you as soon as I could get my phone out of my pocket.”

Phil sits down beside Dan, a change of clothes draped across his lap. “Can I help you change?”

Dan looks at Phil. “Please?”

Phil takes off Dan’s shoes first, then tries not to look as he strips him and puts a t-shirt and old, worn SpongeBob pajama bottoms on him.

“Phil?” Dan asks.

“Yeah?” Phil asks, standing back up.

“You’re gonna share the bed with me, right?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“I’d like you to.”

Phil helps Dan shift over before turning off the light and crawling into bed.

Dan takes a deep breath. Phil watches him in the dark. “Are you okay?” he asks.

“Now I am,” Dan replies. “I’d kind of just like to forget tonight happened.”

“Okay.”

They lay in silence for a while, neither of them speaking or sleeping.

“Phil?”

“Hm?”

“Sometimes I make myself throw up after I eat.”

Phil doesn’t know how to respond to that. “What?”

“I know my parents love me but I feel like they hate me sometimes.”

“Dan –“

“I need you to know all my secrets, Phil.”

Phil searches for Dan’s expression in the dark. “You don’t have to,” Phil replies.

“No,” Dan says. “I need someone to know everything.”

Phil nods. “Okay,” he replies. “But wait until tomorrow so I can remember everything.”

Dan, regaining more use of his body, shifts toward Phil and reaches blindly for his hand. “Don’t let me forget,” he says drowsily. “I have to tell you everything.”

Phil watches Dan’s eyes slide shut, taking his hand. “Goodnight, Dan.”

Phil wakes up with Dan wrapped around his side, still dead to the world. Phil needs to get up and pee but he thinks Dan needs to sleep and he really doesn’t want to disturb him.

So he tries to see if he can reach his iPod from his spot on the bed. He gives a silent cheer when he finally gets his fingers around it and reaches again for his earbuds. He entertains himself by listening to music until he feels Dan start stirring.

“Is that Lana Del Rey?” Dan murmurs drowsily.

Phil looks over at him. “You can hear that?” he asks.

Dan yawns. “It’s dead silent in here, of course I can hear that.”

Dan shifts, rolling onto his back and stretching – seeming not to care that he just woke up cuddling against his friend. “Fuck,” he groans. “What am I doing here?”

“I had to pick you up from the party last night.”

Dan looks around at the ceiling and then over to Phil. “Right,” he mutters. “Thank you, I dunno what would’ve happened if you hadn’t come.”

“How much do you remember?” Phil asks, putting his iPod back on the table by the bed.

Dan rolls back onto his side, so he can see Phil, but isn’t touching him the way he was before. “Not a whole lot after I got roofied,” he replies. “Or at least I assume that’s what it was. What do you think?”

“I think that was scary.”

Dan closes his eyes. “I couldn’t move,” he says quietly.

“Really scary.”

Dan opens his eyes to Phil again. “I remember telling you I want you to know all my secrets.”

“You don’t have to.”

Dan shakes his head. “I’m too sober for that now anyway,” he says. “Did I actually tell you anything?”

_Sometimes I make myself throw up after I eat._

Phil wants more evidence before he brings that up. “You mostly just sounded incoherent.”

Dan nods. “I’m sorry about this,” he says.

Phil shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it.” He gets out of bed. “I’ll be right back.”

He walks to the bathroom. Dan watches him go, still tired. He wants to call after Phil, to ask him not to leave him alone, even though he knows Phil isn’t going far in his pajamas with hair that messy. He wants to tell Phil everything that happened last night but he’s not sure he has enough of the details together in his head to explain adequately.

He remembers somebody touching him through his clothes. He remembers being left alone in a dark room. He remembers being taken outside so whoever touched him couldn’t find him again. He remembers crying while he couldn’t move or speak while he was lying outside. He remembers telling Phil things but not what he actually said.

He’s so fucked up.

Phil comes back with his hair a little more presentable and a glass of water. “Are you thirsty yet?” he asks.

“You are a saintly angel, Philip Lester,” Dan replies, reaching for the glass. He starts to sit up but gets dizzy right away. “Whoa~”

“Hungover?”

“A little.”

Dan does sit up then, hunched over pitifully with his hair half curled from sweating in his sleep. Phil can’t contain the giggle that slips out.

“First time we sleep together and you’re gonna laugh at my bedhead? How chivalric of you, Phil.” Dan frowns, finally taking a drink.

Phil’s ears go hot from that phasing. “First time? You’re assuming this will happen again?”

Dan nods. “We’re seeing a movie later, remember? I was gonna ask you to stay at mine tonight.”

“And you were planning ahead of time for us to share bed?”

“Well no, but seeing as we already have there no point in taking it back unless you’re uncomfortable.”

The heat in Phil’s ears spreads to his face. “I wasn’t uncomfortable.”

Dan nods again. “It’s settled then.”

Phil sits back on his bed, legs crossed and facing Dan. “Do you wanna go home and change or do you wanna stay here for a while?”

Dan shrugs. “I’ll go change when my head feels a little less like a cracked egg.”

Phil giggles.

Dan smiles, looking at him. “I hate my laugh,” he says.

Phil cocks his head. “Why?”

“Dunno, I always have.”

Dan lets himself flop forward, his face in the duvet across his lap.

“I’ll go make breakfast,” Phil says.

Dan says something but it’s muffled by the duvet.

“What?”

“I said, I don’t think I’m hungry.”

Phil sits up a little straighter, looking proud of himself. “That’s because you’ve never tried my pancakes before.”

“Pancakes?” Dan asks, peeking up at his friend.

Phil nods enthusiastically. “C’mon, I’ll show you.”

Dan sits up again. “Carry me,” he pouts.

Phil makes a face. “I barely got you up here last night and you want me to keep from dropping you down the stairs?”

Dan looks at him, thinking, weighing how lazy he is against his confidence in Phil’s clumsiness. “Fine,” he mutters, pulling the duvet back. “But where’s my hoodie? It’s cold in here.”

Phil looks around for the pile of Dan’s clothes. “Here,” he says, picking up the black pile. He realizes immediately that all of Dan’s clothes smell of alcohol. “But I don’t know if you want it.” He drops the hoodie back on the floor and opts to look for one of his own. He finds a plain black one in the back of his closet. “Is this alright instead?”

Dan takes it and puts it on, zipping it all the way up. “Thanks.”

He gets out of bed on unsteady legs but follows Phil downstairs anyway, smiling.

 

After breakfast, Dan goes home to take a shower, get dressed, and try and get his clothes clean before he mom notices the smell.

It buzzes in his brain that his body doesn’t deserve the calories from all the pancakes he ate. He tries to quiet it down by reasoning that Phil made them special just for him and it would be wrong to literally flush that down the toilet.

He stares at himself in the mirror after his shower. His mom loves his curls, that’s why he wastes so much of his time flattening them out until he stops resembling the little boy she raised. He hates how young he looks, how he hasn’t quite grown into his height yet; he’s fleshy around his tummy – which annoys him to no end – but stick thin and awkward everywhere else. His shoulders are still narrow.

He’s young.

He doesn’t like being young.

Young means he’s obligated to stay living at home despite wanting to drop out of school and travel. He wants to go to Japan so badly. And America. And so many other places despite his other need of wanting to stay in and browse the internet.

It’s not that he doesn’t love his parents, honestly, he really does. It’s just hard to be here when all the chores fall on his shoulders and he’s expected to be totally responsible and his parents still can’t accept the day he tried to come out to them.

More than anything, Dan longs to be understood.

It hurts more than anything that the people who are supposed to love him the most, can’t.

 

It’s almost ten when they get back to Dan’s house after the movie.

Phil’s only been over once before and he remembers it striking him then, too, how much less lived in this house looks compared to his own. The furniture looks like it’s not meant to be sat on and the kitchen looks too clean. When they walked in, Dan made a point of telling Phil to take off his shoes. “Why?” Phil had asked.

“My mum likes to get really passive aggressive when she finds anything resembling dirt on the carpet,” Dan had replied with a roll of his eyes.

They go up to Dan’s room and Phil feels more comfortable. It’s very clear that Dan’s bedroom is lived in; the duvet is only haphazardly thrown on the bed, the laundry basket has clothes hanging on it with some on the floor around it, the stacks of books and CDs on the shelves aren’t stacked especially neatly, and, most of all, the room smells like Dan. The rest of the house just smells like cleaning products and air freshener, not people.

Phil makes himself comfortable on the chair at Dan’s desk, glancing at the window. He thinks for a moment. “You’re room is on the left side of your house, right?” he asks.

Dan cocks an eyebrow. “Yeah. Why?”

Phil gets up, going to the window. He pulls back the curtains and grins when he sees a window with his bedroom curtains on the other side. “My room is right across from yours,” he says. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice before.”

“No way,” Dan says, walking over. “How did we not know we were neighbors before this year?”

Phil shrugs. “Our houses are pretty close. My mum always made a point of making sure we keep all the curtains closed so your family couldn’t see inside our house.”

“My mum too,” Dan replies. “I wonder if I could reach your window if I leaned out.” Phil opens the window and starts leaning out. Dan’s eyes go wide. “Phil!” he grabs his friend’s arm. “If you fall out my window I will actually kill you.”

Phil laughs. “Assuming I don’t die from the fall?”

Dan frowns. “Just get back in here.”

Phil reaches out, ignoring Dan. “I think if you let me lean out just a little more I could touch my window.”

Dan shakes his head. “No.”

Phin pouts, leaning back into the room and closing the window. “Fine,” he says, going back to sitting at Dan’s desk. His gaze falls onto Dan’s piano and he grins mischievously. “I forgot to ask before, do you actually know how to play that piano?”

Dan shrugs. “A little, I’m not very good at it.”

“Play something for me.”

Dan’s ears go hot. “Like what?”

“Anything.”

Dan sits down and presses the button to turn the keyboard on. He thinks for a second before hovering his hands over the keys. He starts slowly and Phil smiles when he realizes he knows the song. He hums quietly when Dan begins playing the parts that would have been vocals. He leans his chin in his hands, his elbows on his knees, letting himself sink into the music.

Dan’s fingers fly over the keys with an ease that only comes with practice. Phil closes his eyes to see if it sounds any different if he focuses. Dan is almost done the song when –

“Daniel!” a man’s voice calls.

Dan’s fingers stutter over the keys and he stops playing, making Phil frown. “Yeah, dad?” Dan replies.

“It’s getting late, try and be quiet until morning.”

The wording is polite enough but Phil is mildly ticked off that Dan’s dad didn’t wait for the song to be over. Dan dutifully turns the keyboard back off. “Sorry about that,” he says, looking at Phil again.

To his credit, Phil at least tries to sound optimistic, “You play better than you said you did.”

Dan looks embarrassed. “No I don’t.”

Phil frowns at him. “Yes you do.”

Dan gets up, dragging the chair at his keyboard over beside Phil. “Do you want to screw around on the internet for a while?” he asks, trying to change the subject.

Phil bites the inside of his cheek, turning to look at Dan’s laptop. “I have a Netflix login, we could watch a movie.”

Dan smirks. “So you wanna Netflix and chill?”

Phil grins. “No,” he says. “I wanna Netflix and _Phil_.”

Dan facepalms, laughing. “You _would_ make a pun like that.”

Phil laughs as well, happy to see Dan happy. Neither notice the sound of someone coming upstairs. There is a sharp knock before the door swings open. “Is there someone in here?” Dan’s dad asks, peeking inside.

“Hi,” Phil says sheepishly.

Dan nods. “I already told mum Phil’s spending the night,” he says.

Dan’s dad crosses his arms. “She would’ve told me that.”

“I left a message for her,” Dan replies. “She might not have listened to it yet.”

Dan’s dad nods, eyeing Phil. “Just make sure you reach out to both of us if one of us doesn’t answer next time.”

Dan nods. “Sure, dad.”

Dan’s dad disappears again, leaving Dan to run a frustrated hand through his hair. “I swear…” he mutters.

Phil cocks his head at Dan. “Are you alright, Dan?” Phil asks.

Dan looks at Phil. He thinks for a moment, biting his lip. He sighs, deciding to say what he wanted to say, though slowly and quietly. “Do you… You know what I said last night. About wanting to tell you all my secrets.”

Phil cocks his head nervously. “Yeah?”

“I just,” Dan says. “If you’re going to leave me I want it to be now, before I get too attached to you.”

Phil’s eyebrows furrow. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m not close with many people.” Dan crosses his legs on his chair. “People leave me when we get too close. And you’re getting closer to me but if you get any closer it’ll hurt too much for me to have you leave me too. So if you’re going to leave me I need you to do it soon.”

Phil lets this sit in his head for a moment. “Why would I leave?”

Dan plays with a paperclip that had been sitting on his desk, to avoid Phil’s eyes. His heart is pounding in his chest painfully, it’ll hurt even more if he tries to look at Phil while he says this. “I’m insecure and clingy,” Dan says. “People don’t like that.”

Phil makes a face. “That doesn’t sound like a reason.”

“There’s something else too,” Dan says, beating around the bush.

Phil keeps his eyes trained on Dan’s face. “Tell me.”

Dan’s eyes jolt up to Phil for a moment before looking right back down at his hands. “If you want to leave when I tell you this, just do it, please don’t try to talk to me about it.”

“Dan,” Phil insists.

Dan pulls his lips between his teeth, forcing all his courage into his chest. “I’m… bisexual,” he mutters.

Phil blinks at him. “Is that all?”

Dan’s eyebrows pull together and he frowns. “I’m pouring my heart out here, don’t be so nonchalant!”

Phil can’t help the short chuckle that escapes. “I’m sorry, you were just being so dramatic about it but I already had my suspicions.”

Dan looks slightly taken by that. “You had suspicions?”

Phil shrugs. “Sure,” he says. “You talk about both men and women being attractive fairly often. You’ve gone off about Jennifer Lawrence and Evan Peters at length on a handful of occasions each.”

Dan’s cheeks flush slightly, he hadn’t even realized he talked that much. “Oh.”

“And anyway,” Phil says. “I’m bi too. I tend to lean toward men, but I like both too.”

Dan looks up at Phil with such a look of happiness and relief Phil kind of wants to give him a hug. Dan is grinning. “Have you ever made out with a boy before?” he asks.

Phil’s face flushes. “Well, once; the only time my brother took me to a party with him.”

Dan leans forward. “What was it like? The only guy I’ve ever kissed was Tyler and we were both drunk and it felt like kissing my brother.”

Phil thinks for a moment, trying not to laugh at the sudden change of energy in their conversation. “I dunno,” he says. “It was just kissing, nothing special.”

Dan frowns. “ _Of course_ kissing is special,” he says. “You just weren’t doing it right if it wasn’t.”

Phil rolls his eyes. “You would know, wouldn’t you? Mister only-ever-kissed-Tyler.”

“Tyler isn’t the only person I’ve kissed, just the only guy.”

Phil shakes his head, looking back at Dan’s computer. “Are we doing Netflix or what?”

Dan grins. “Yes we are.”

They talked through the movie and then they talked though the night until they fell asleep.

The last couple days of September wind down very quietly and a little too quickly after that, but Dan happy to still have a first best friend to walk into October with.


End file.
